"Last night's meetup was just amazing...Fred is in town today for depositions..."
"My name is Fred and I was born nekkid and poor. I’m a Mortgage Maniac."
“Y-A-A-Y-Y Fred! You’re the bomb, Fred! Let's give Fred a Big Hand! Go, FRED!”
1. I am powerless over my inner compulsions. It’s been almost an hour since I foreclosed a house, actually six this afternoon. We’re done now and I’m at the meeting.
2. I believe that a power higher than myself can get me back to normal. Not back to nekkid and poor, but normal.
3. I have turned my files over to the Monitor and we meet every morning. We’re making progress. Not much today though.
4. I have made a searching inventory of all our MBS, and all our loose dogs, and marked everything to market, as I imagine today’s market may be.
5. I have disclosed to the Monitor, myself, and our qualified investors the exact nature of our credits and our debits. In normal times, not a shitstorm like today...
6. I’m entirely ready to purge our entire portfolio, under GAAP and take-or-pay. We’re way TBTF.
7. I have humbly asked the Monitor to save my soul, and give me back my bond, and my yacht.
8. I have returned every unearned fee, and no longer service my customers like livestock. Actually I saw one of my customers today, before the meetup. (S)He did my windshield.
9. I have made direct credits to active accounts, and posted unclaimed funds to escrow, unless injurious or irresponsible. I pay all my fines.
10. I continue to search my soul, and continue to disclose personal fraud or failure.
11. I continue to meet with our Monitor, and no longer pursue Almighty Dollars. And I can get you a good deal, we have a lot of REO opportunities, call me up!
12. I share my knowledge with all, and my clients now are richer, not poorer. Well, not nekkid, anyway.
“What about the boat, Fred?”